Cover to cover

Bret had the venturous idea to read the Book of Mormon cover to cover in March. I am excited out of my mind to start. I always think back on the time when Bret and I were NOT together for a few months and how reading the scriptures and praying was the only way to get through another day. Those days were hard but I never felt so good about myself and I KNEW who I was becoming. I loved leaving my whole life in God's hands.

I am a bit of a control freak, so I do my best to manage my life on my own, I work hard to make things work and to get what I want. Case in point: Bret, Kingston, London, house and soon a puppy {sorry babe, it's gonna happen}. I try not to "bother" God with my life and therefore I sometimes try not to ask him what I should do or if He can help. I know this way of living is misguided and life could potentially be so much easier if I just put things in His hands but it feels impossible to let go of control. I know, I am a mutant.

Needless to say I am definitely anxious for the lovely effects of this special book to take over my life and to change my twisted perspective. I'm looking to renew my vigor for missionary work and to redefine the relationship I have with my creator. I'm hoping this month I can be changed forever and I can become someone I love and that my thoughts and feelings towards others will be pleasant and sweet. I'm hoping to get to know the real me, the me I was before I came to earth, the me HE wants me to be.

I struggle with myself and my attitude more than I do with anything else. Most of the time I am just disappointed that I am not a kind person and that I am not sensitive to others around me. I don't want to be negative or selfish. I want to change and I am excited to.

Bret has the best influence on me. I knew from the start he was too good for me and that he would get me back to the presence of God even if he has to drag me by the feet. Sometimes we take turns dragging each other but he is a lot stronger than I so he usually does all the dragging. I like him ;) I've got a few records of my own that testify of the love I have for my companion. Some pages may seem juvenile but I assure you the contents are the reality. The books of our relationship are falling apart and basically not legible at all. There isn't an alluring plot or climax to enthrall you. There are no sparkling vampires and I am absolutely not the apple in any man's eye but I prefer these pages to others entirely even if the grammar is atrocious.